Happy, sad, everything in between...

My heart breaks when my son wakes up at 330 every night screaming. Because he's having another nightmare, of his mother being attacked by his father. Because he's having separation anxiety because his father keeps walkin in and out of his life. Im happy because when he's awake, he's pure smiles. Always happy, brightening everyone elses day. But, he still isn't back to his old self. It's been almost a month. I just want my baby to be okayy. /: Momma is sorry bubba it'll get better. Im not going no where. Im not even leavin for basic until I know your okayy. And until we've moved away. Far away from here. And from what we've been through, and this past that is killing me, and will one day kill you. I love you bubba. Momma will always be here.!

; My story isnt over yet.

Okay, so I've had this money for a new car, for about a month now. But i still have no new car. I'm getting kind of irritated. Morgan and I are doing amazing. Easton is growing like crazy. He weighs four pounds less than Ryker, and Ryker is 9 months old! That's crazy.! He is also four inches shorter than Ryker. Wow. My son is going to be taller than me. Its sad, but its good.(: I want my car already, but looks like that won't happen anytime soon.): I'm irritated with my parents. There gone every weekend, and tell me i'm not allowed to stay anywhere. I dont want to be there when they get home. They wake up Easton with there fighting. My life sucks, but I'm getting through it, for Easton, And for Morgan.
; My story isn't over yet. (:

New Car.!

So, I want a Chevy Impala. My dad wants me to get a Chrysler 300 M. But i think the body on the Chrysler is UGLY.! I mean its my money. They won't let me get the jeep I want. So i should at least get the Chevy Impala. Right.? You would think. All the Impalas I want are under my price range. So why not.? I mean seriously.! Both my sisters got the cars they wanted. So, why couldn't i get the car i want in return.? The one my dad wants me to get is a grand over my price range at least, If not more. I mean, come on. You guys talk about how I'm an adult. So, if I'm an adult, and this is MY Money, shouldn't I be able to choose.? My parents want me to get a cheap car, so they can use a grand of MY  money to get my mom a new car. UHMMMM, NOT HAPPENING.!! And they say I'm being selfish. My moms car runs great.! Its in amazing condition. The only thing wrong with it, is that the transmition slips, slightly. Its not even anything to worry about yet. She still has like another 3 to 5 years before thats an issue. So why are they more worried about getting her a car, when mine you have to manually shift.? Its an automatic. That should NOT happen.! Ever, at all.!

NEXT YEARRR.!!!!!!

I'm SO Excited.! I got denied for this year, because there day care is full. But there gonna set me up, so that i get into the day care, and go to school there next year.!(: You have no idea how happy that makes me.! It makes me very happy.!!(: My day is absolutely made.! Easton was in an amazing mood this morning. Him and grandpa were growling and laughing at each other.!(: My new favorite song is "Give me a reason" By Pink.(: My life, is really good right now. Ben and I are hanging out either Thursday or Friday. I'm actually kind of excited to see how that plans out for me. Lol. Morgan and I are supposed to do something, Just Us this weekend. Have alone time.. Ha Ha. I don't know what to think about that. But hey, We'll see i guess. My last few days have been amazing. I'm sad to be transferring, because I'm going to miss people. But I'm happy as well, because I need this. Not just for me, but for Easton as well.

Transferring..?

Transferring.!!! If not this quarter, next year. I'm going to miss everyone, but i am SOOO happy to get the hell out of this place. My friends will be mad, but its whats best. I had a meeting to see if i could go back to school. I'm seeing how classes go today, then deciding.. Lol I want to transfer. I need a change. Its been a weird spring break.! I had fun though. Had a babysitter friday, so went out. Lol, went to the clubhouse.(: I love those boys.! They make everything better. Saturday Easton decided the only way he'd sleep, is if i took him for a car ride. So me and Ben took Easton, and drove around for Three and a half hours.(: It was good to see Ben again. I'm glad were friends again. Morgan and I are on and off, of course. More drama. Lol. I went to omaha to go shopping yesterday.(: got me an outfit, and of course, Easton the cutest outfit in the world.!(: I love my son, more than anything in the world.!

Coffeee

I like coffee.?!?! Haha.!

):

Don't know what to do anymore.):

Shots day. ):

Easton gets his shots today.):

Easton with the big ball

Looking Back, Looking Forward, Looking In Between.

Looking Back,
To before life flipped downward.
Looking Back,
To before I was a mom.
Looking Back,
To when life wasn't as hard.
Looking Back,
To when I didn't care.
Looking Back,
To when i was a wild little girl.
Oh' what's changed.?
Oh' I changed.
Looking Forward,
To watch him learn.
Looking Forward,
To graduation, and Basic Training.
Looking Forward,
To leave this town, see whats in this world.
Oh' what's changed.?
Oh' I changed.
Looking In Between,
At the days like today.
Looking In Between,
For the days of tomorrow,
But not quite forward.
Looking In Between,
For another night of my life.
Looking In Between,
At the smile on my sons face.
Looking In Between,
For another night with my little family.
Oh' What's Changed.?
Oh' I changed.

Oh how life done changed.!

I can see the way I want life to be, 

I can see what i want to see.
But life has changed,
And so have we.
I can see the way life should be,
I can see the way life will be.
A new life is here,
But I'm still here too.
Ready for the new chapter,
Ready for it to begin,
Watch him grow,
Watch him learn.
How to walk and talk,
And run and learn.
To be himself,
No one else.
I can see my life,
The opportunities,
Opening in front of me.
For me to take them,
That would be a dream.
For life has changed,

And so have we.

My Days...

Wednesday; I woke up, and instantly fought with Morgan. I had no modivation to get ready for school, or even go. So I didn't. It wasn't because we were fighting, it was my depression kicking in again. All I wanted to do was sleep. So, I got Easton back to sleep, then I slept. I woke up, and Morgan and I were fine. Then Easton hit his head and Morgan and I fought again, because of it. We got over that one, and went to Morgans moms for pigs in a blanket(YUMMM) We Played with Easton, and talked about the snow. Talked about morgan going to work when it hit two inches.

Thursday; I woke up, I took morgan to work, I had to deal with Easton Screaming every ten to fifteen minutes. Until 5pm. Then i helped my sister move some of her stuff into their new house. (: I ate a cake ball, which told me that I'm having a niece.!(: Yay.! Charli railynn.!<3 And i also found out Morgan might not be home until tomorrow or saturday because he's working snow removal.): Its ten bucks an hour, but still. I miss him, and want him home.): If they don't call school, I won't be there. One my cars snowed in, and two I don't have daycare for Easton. I was gonna go four-wheeling, but I only had a babysitter for an hour, and I helped my sister move in that hour./: Were watching Morgans little sister on saturday if his mom has to work.

I've been thinking alot about the Air Force, and idk if its the best decision for me.. Eastons growing up so fast, and I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss him, and him not know who I am..
Well, I guess I'll end this here. Easton is waking up, and I need to get him back to bed, and get myself to sleep.. /:
#Sleeping alone problems.):

Happy Valentines Day.!

I love my son, and my boyfriend.
I love my best friend Jordan.
I love life, and watching my son grow up.
I love country music, and this town i live in.
I love those who have left me in the dust,
As well as those who helped me up,
Dusted me off, and pushed me forward.
I love where I'm going in life.
I love being me.
I love the Air Force.
I love zebra stripes.(:
But, The one thing i love the most,
Is my ability to love without end.
To love so unconditionally for one
Little boy, that will grow to a young man,
And always be the highlight to my life.<3

Court...

Court Today... Ahhhh.!!!!! :/

I hate...

"I hate the way you talk to me.
I hate the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots.
And the way you read my mind.
I hate the way your always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hat the way you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate when your not around,
And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly,
I hate that i don't hate you,
Not even close,
Not even a little bit,
Not even at all.<3

New car.? New House.? Air Force.?

Ohhh, my weekend was amazing.! Until Sunday night...): I have court tomorrow... Easton and Morgan stayed with Jacob for a guys day tomorrow.(: I love my boys. Their my world.! I got on a four-wheeler Saturday, for the first time since i flipped it last Feburary. I took Easton outside without a car seat or stroller for the first time too. He wore his camo outfit with the buttflap. (: He looked SO cute.! I can't wait till hes old enough to go hunting with us. And shoot his first gun at the range.(: Tiya, Easton, and I went on Tiya and I's country road before she got her tattoo.(: (RIP Hemi.!) Looking at new cars, I think i'm gonna get a 04 Chevy Impala.(: Morgans looking for a new job, and I'm looking at cars as well as apartments. Gonna talk to an air force recruiter again. To see when i can Enlist. (: My basic would be 2 months, Morgans for the Marines would be 4 months. So i'd go to basic, and he wouldn't go until i came back. Or if we Both went, Morgans mom would watch him.
My insperational song for the week, Letters from home.(:

I drive your truck
Little moments like that
I'll survive
Cowgirls don't cry.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

2 Months

Eastons 2 Months Old Today.!!(: Morgan and I have been together one year, and 3 months on the 20th.(: I love my boys, there my world.!(: <3

Pioneers Park...(:

Well, yesterday when school got out Kayla, Garrett, Easton, Morgan, And I went to pioneers park. The weather was beautiful.! Easton, of course was awake, but fell asleep as soon as we started walking. Lol, His stroller decided to drift, as well as try to catch some air... Lol. But now I'm sitting in E learning, trying to decide what to do now... Hmmm, Fighting with Morgan, talking to Keegan, debating whether to do my work here or at home... I'll probably just do it at home. Lol. I wanna go to the park again today.! Its supposed to be 60.!!(:

My family.

 Daddy, Mommy, And Of Course A Upset Baby Easton. Lol. (: Oh, My Boys.(: I love them, Oh so much.!<3

Mommy, And Baby Easton.! I love this lil' man SOOOO Much.!!!!(: Hes my world.!!!<3

Family time

 Auntie Graison And Baby Ryker.(:

 Auntie Graison, Ryker, And Mommy Britter Bear.(:

 A Crying Easton And I... ): Poor baby.

Me and Baby Ryker.!

Lion toy.(:

His lion plays noises, and if it stops he yells at it. (: so you can't stop jingling it or he'll yell at it, as well as you until you make noise again.(: Mommys baby boy is getting so big.!!!!

FML!):

Waiting for Morgan to wake up, so i can see how my baby boy is doing.... ): At least he's still asleep.(: He's doing a little better, not much. It's a process, we'll get there. He'll get better. It just takes time.. Right.? I'm scared, what if he doesn't get better.? What if it keeps coming back. ):

Whelpp.... Spent Saturday night in the hospital with Easton.. Like i feared, he has RSV. )': I'm scared for it'll get worse.. Morgan lost his job, because he stayed home with Easton, so i could come back to school. Now he and I both have to find jobs, instead of just me. This sucks, Morgan and I fight all the time. I want it back to when we were all happy. When we could cuddle all night long, instead of sleep on different sides of the bed.. When we didn't have to wake up every four hours to give Easton a breathing treatment. I want my baby boy to be okay. But most of all, i want me to be okay. I'm not sure what to do, but i'm trying to figure that out. I'll get there, eventually.
~Graicy.<3

I have to find a job, soon. This sucks. Then ill go to school, pick up Easton, take him home, and leave for work. ): I'll never see my son. Morgans Enlisting into the military. I'm not sure how to feel about that. Because now my dreams of someday going into the Air Force could be out the window. I'm not gonna leave Easton with one of my family members, much less Morgans mom. And I don't know who i would leave him with. Because if Morgan and I both get deployed, who will take care of him. I don't trust Morgans mom, much less my mom. My dad couldn't handle another baby. And i refuse to send him with my sisters. So my only option is to let Morgan join, and I find a different dream... But how do you find a different dream, if this has been your dream since you first saw an airplane.? Easton has an ear infection, and a really bad cough, I'm just scared that its gonna be RSV and he won't be able to get rid of it. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do if my baby boy does have it.): What scares me the most, is that with school, and getting a job Easton won't even know who i am when he gets older. The only time I'll see him is when I get home, and he'll be asleep already. ):

My first day with a blog. I'm not sure how this things gonna work out. But i have a new site that i can post my stuff, without having drama.(: I have a 7 week old son, he is my world.! I'll post pictures of his when i get home so i can do it.(: I'm pretty excited about having one of these things now.